DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a night of amazing sex with a colleague’s girlfriend and can’t get it out of my head. I’ve got a new job but should I stay in touch with her?
I’m 28 and a went out for drinks and a meal last month with a couple of colleagues and their girlfriends.
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I was supposed to go with a girlfriend but we had just split up so they said to come along anyway, especially as I was about to leave the firm.
One of my colleagues is a heavy drinker and got loud and argumentative, especially with his girlfriend. He is 33 and she’s 31 and they have a couple of kids. He was saying she’s fat and ugly. It was very embarrassing.
At the end of the evening I share a taxi with them but they turned out not to have any cash on them and the driver didn’t accept cards, so I paid upfront for us all. Next morning, my colleague’s girlfriend turned up at my front door and insisted on giving me the cash for the taxi.
I invited her in for a coffee and we talked about my colleague’s behaviour the night before. She said she was glad other people saw how he gets.
As we said goodbye I said, “See you later”, not meaning anything by it but she said, “Yes, I’ll be round about 9pm with a bottle. The kids are at sleepovers and I’ve told him
I’m going to my mum’s so I can stay over”.
She rang the doorbell just after 9pm carrying a bottle of wine and a load of beers for me. We talked and drank, and then I said I’d sleep on the sofa. She insisted we share my bed and started kissing me straight away.
The sex was brilliant — and we had sex again the next morning. She said she and her partner don’t romp much these days and she misses it.
She left and we said nothing about seeing one another again, but I keep thinking about that night of passion. She’s not really my type but I keep looking at her Facebook profile and wondering whether to add her as a friend.
I’m worried about the way my ex-colleague treats her, yet she’s not the sort of person I would normally have a relationship with.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your worry over her well-being does you credit, but what’s hooking you in seems to be that night of sex.
But she’s not a free agent. She may be unhappy with your ex-colleague but they have children together and she didn’t seem to be talking about leaving him any time soon.
If you make contact, I suspect you will be motivated mostly by hope of another great night of passion and it could get very messy.
I feel for her and I feel for their children. It would be great if you can think of a way to suggest she contact Al-Anon who support the partners and families of those with a drinking problem (al-anonuk.org.uk, 0800 0086 811). But don’t add to her problems.
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