DEAR DEIDRE: I CHEATED on my girlfriend last week with a girl I met on a night out with mates.
I’m 39 and she must have been about 20. We had great sex then I quickly packed her off in the morning before going round to see my girlfriend, who is 37.
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That’s been the pattern of my life but my girlfriend has no idea and wants to move in with me.
We’ve been together for ten years but she is divorced with two kids. The children’s dad visits regularly, so she and I have stayed living separately.
I love her and the children and we’ve spent a lot of time together, but I’ve also spent a lot of time travelling with my job. I’ve had countless affairs while away and my girlfriend is clueless.
I’ve also had flings with women nearer home after nights out with mates and have taken them back to my place.
At least two of the girls have knocked on my door weeks later when they’ve seen my car outside and I’ve ended up having sex with them again, just to keep them quiet.
These women mean nothing to me but I think I’m hooked on sex with strangers.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend’s rent keeps going up, while I own my own place.
Her children are now 15 and 17 and can travel to see their dad without their mum, so she asked whether she and the kids could all move in with me.
It makes sense but I would no longer be able to take women back to mine — and my travelling with work has stopped, since a job change at the beginning of the year, so I won’t be able to play away.
Also, if my girlfriend moves in, what if those other women I’ve slept with call round?
I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex, too. She’s 40 and recently divorced.
We were together as teenagers and she recently got in touch with me on social media. I’m longing to meet up with her again. What shall I do?
THE G-spot, supposed source of intense sexual pleasure for some women, goes in and out of fashion with sex experts – seen as the ultimate, or as quite irrelevant.
The truth is somewhere in between – as explained in my e-leaflet Understanding The G Spot.
For a copy email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: My guess is that this is not a sex-with-strangers addiction, more a fear of commitment stemming from a childhood where you witnessed the hurt of a close family member.
Having a girlfriend gave you an emotional safety net while sleeping around gave you a sense of freedom and sexual liberation. Now that could all stop.
But you’ve changed your job, so make a pact with yourself to stop having sex with strangers.
Your ex is off limits, too. That’s more about teenage fantasy and your fear of commitment than anything realistic.
You are going round in circles because you have little insight into your real feelings, so ask your girlfriend to wait while you do some work on yourself.
Arrange to see a counsellor, to help you probe what you really want and can commit to. My e-leaflet How Counselling Helps explains.
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